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yo man what the fuck is up. Drinkin mass amounts of coffee on an empty malnourished stomach is so whack. yo i gotta go do community service today. Before you get busted you always think community service sounds like a day at the beach. Then you get it and you realize it means that you end up spending every one of those few-and-far between days you get off work at another job your not gettin paid for. Shit. Any ways, this isn't about me, my caffeine addiction, or community service. It's about action figures you slept on. Okay so you remember He-Man, you remember G.I. Joe, you remember Transformers, whatever. I don't give a fuck. What I'm askin you, with a mini-tape recorder in my right hand, is, do you remember... Crystar was on some dope shit. Droppin on the masses in 1983, it was one of several twin-headed comic/toy line experiments of the late 70s/early 80's by Marvel in partnership with Remco Toys, which included ROM the Spaceknight and the Micronauts. Personally, I thought the comic was kinda whack, but the toys were pretty dope, my favorite bein Moltar, the more brutish of the two Lava Warrior figures. Basically the plot behind Crystar is as follows. It's mid-evil times, dungeons n' dragons style. Some wizards come to the city of Galax, lookin to start sum shit. As a result, the two princes, who are supposed to rule the land together, became entangled in a struggle between "the forces of Order and Chaos". Prince Crystar and his homies become beings made of "glass", while Prince Magma and his homies become beings made of "living magma." This starts a no holds bar glass v.s. magma rumble in Galax. As a result of the fued, the wise and peace-loving Regent Lord Feldspar revokes the prince's position on the throne, and assumes supreme command until they can "settle their differences." Feldspar is half glass, half molten, divided at the waist. In the comic it explains he took this transformation intentionally to prove he was totally neutral, however, in the toy line they explain Feldspar by saying he "embodies good v.s. evil." Despite Lord Feldpsars neutrality, it's clear that Crystar is the good guy who loves his kingdom and Magma is the evil power-hungry tyrant. ![]() So back to the toy line, as for the good guys there was Crystar, the classical He-Man/Duke/Optimis Prime character, who came with a sword and shield. There was Warbow, his ruffer, harder, eye-patch rockin comrade who fucked shit up with a cross bow. When they needed help of the magical kind they turned to Ogeode, the good human wizard, who had a fancy glass staff. On the bad guys side was Moltar, Crystars nemesis, the classical Skeletor/Cobra Commander/Megatron character, who came with a big mace and battle axe. He had his boy Magma Man, who came with a spikey mace. Then there was Ogeode's counter part, Zardeth, the evil human wizard with a particularly fruity wardrobe, and weildin a lame whip with a small spikey ball on the end. In the middle was the half glass, half magma Feldspar, but he was kinda considered a good guy, and carried both a glass and magma staff. There was also the Crystar Castle set, which looked hella fresh. Other characters from the comic, like other glass and magma warriors, Moltar's hot magma girlfriend, Ambara the token babe-in-distress, and Ika, Ogeode's foxy daughter who also knew magic, were never made into action figures, as far as I know.
Bill Fuckin' Cosby 2001
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